Seat Belts

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Google = Girl

Have you copied like this?

Turks & Germs

Teacher: What r the people of Turkey called?

Student: I don’t know.

Teacher: They r called Turks, now What r the people of Germany called?

Student: They r called Germs

Alcohol

Boss's Daughter

Employee: you called me sir

boss; go to the restroom and masturbate

employee: done sir

boss: go and do it again

employee: done again

boss: go and do it again

employee: sir i don't think i have the stamina .

Boss: good my daughter is waiting downstairs go drop her home.

How you see your wife before & after 6 beers

Your fee is too much

A very shy young man goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman

sitting alone. After an hour he gathers enough courage to go and ask her, 

 

"Er... excuse me, but would you mind if I sat here beside you?"

She responds in a loud voice :

"NO, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"

Everyone in the bar turns to stare at them. The young man is surprised,

shocked and embarrassed and goes back to his table.

After a few minutes the woman walks over to him smiles, apologizes,

and says, "You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying 

 

how people respond to embarrassing situations."

The young man responds loudly with,

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THREE THOUSAND RUPEES.

THATS TOO MUCH !"

Osama's Lavatory

How an Engineer will suicide?

Solution for Inflation

Seat Belts Must be Worn always when you drive

The National Highway Safety Council has done extensive testing on a newly designed seat belt.
The results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 45% when the belt is properly installed.
Correct installation is illustrated below.......

THIS MAY SAVE A LIFE!
Scroll down a little bit
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don't disturb me, my love

 

 

Married Life

Wife & husband

Angry wife to her husband An Angry Wife To Her Husband 0n Phone:
"Where d Hell Are You ...?"
Husband: Darling You Remember That Jewellery Shop Where You Saw The Diamond Necklace
n Totally Fell In Love With It n I Didn't Have Money That Time n I said "Baby It'll Be Yours 1 Day ...
"O Wife, With A Smile & Blushing: Yeah I Remember That My Love!
Husband: I 'm in the Pub Just Next To That Shop

An intelligent wife
''An Intelligent Wife Is One Who Makes Sure She Spends So Much
That Her Husband Can't Afford Another Women"

New SIM to surprise her husband
Woman Buys A New Phone And Decides To Surprise Her Husband Who Is Seated On The Couch In The Living Room.
She Goes To The Kitchen, Calls Her Husband With The New Number: "Hello Darling"
The Husband Responds In A Low Tone: "Let Me Call U Back Later Honey, The Dumb Lady Is In The Kitchen..

Cool message by a wife
Cool Msg by a woman: Dear Mother-in-law, "Don't Teach me how 2 handle my children,
I'm living with one of yours & he needs a lot of improvement"

Lion bounced on wife
In an African Safari, A LION suddenly bounced on Santa's wife.
WIFE: Shoot him! Shoot him!
SANTA: Yes, Yes. I'm changing d battery of my camera..

I will think about it When a married man says "I'll think about it",
What he really means that, He doesn't know his wife's opinion yet..

Habit of talking in sleep
A Lady to Doctor:
My husband has habit of talking in sleep! what shud i give him to cure?
Dr: Give him an Opportunity to speak wen hez awake

Part & Art of living
Having "WIFE" Is A Part Of Living...
But Having "GIRLFRIEND" Along With The "WIFE" Is Art Of Living.

Husband, wife & spare tyre
HUSBAND and WIFE are like 2 tyres of a vehicle. If 1 punctures, the vehicle can't move further
Moral: Always Keep a SPARE TYRE....

Who is guilty (Husband / Wife)?
Wife is dreaming in the middle of the night and suddenly shouts: "Up! Quick! My husband is back!" Man gets up,
jumps out of the window, hurts himself, and then realizes: "Damn, I am the husband!"

NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN
Nobody teaches Volcanoes to erupt, Tsunamis to devastate, Hurricanes to sway around & no one teaches
How to choose a Wife, NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN.

Dream of receiving jewellery & clothes
Wife: last night I had a dream that u were sending me jewellery and clothes!
Husband: yeah, I saw your dad paying the bill!!!


Recently fired stock trader
A recently fired stock trader said ...
"This is worse than divorce... I have lost everything & I still have my wife..."

Message of the year
Message of the year:-
Women live a better, longer & peaceful life..!!
Why? Very simple...
A woman does not have a wife..!!!

Why did u shoot ur wife?
Judge: why did u shoot ur wife instead of shooting her lover?
Sardar: Your honour, it's easier to shoot a woman once, than shooting one man every week.

Hindi Film Stars in Their Childhood

Why condoms ??

Why condoms come in boxes of 3, 6 and 12?

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son.
They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?

To which the man matter-of-factly replies,
"Those are condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."

"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively,
"Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"

The dad replies,
"Those are for high school boys, ONE for Friday, ONE for Saturday, and ONE for Sunday."

"Cool" says the boy.
He notices a 6 pack and asks: "Then who are these for?"

"Those are for college men," the dad answers,
"TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."

"WOW!" exclaimed the boy,
"Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack!

With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied:
"Those are for the married men.
ONE for January, ONE for February, ONE for March...etc."

Is your Laptop Waterproof?

Is your Laptop Waterproof?????? I'm checking...

Different Types of Economies

TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS

• You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
• Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
• You retire on the income.

INDIAN ECONOMICS

• You have two cows.
• You worship them.

PAKISTAN ECONOMICS

• You dont have any cows.
• You claim that the Indian cows belong to you.
• You ask the US for financial aid,
• China for military aid,
• British for Warplanes,
• Italy for machines,
• Germany for technology,
• French for submarines,
• Switzerland for loans,
• Russia for drugs
• Japan for equipment.
• You buy the cows with all this
• And claim exploitation by the world.

AMERICAN ECONOMICS

• You have two cows.
• You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
• You profess surprise when the cow drops dead.
• You put the blame on some nation with cows & naturally that nation will be a danger to mankind.
• You wage a war to save the world and grab the cows.

FRENCH ECONOMICS

• You have two cows.
• You go on strike because you want three cows.

GERMAN ECONOMICS

• You have two cows.
• You re-engineer them so that they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.

BRITISH ECONOMICS

• You have two cows.
• They are both mad cows.

ITALIAN ECONOMICS

• You have two cows.
• You don't know where they are.
• You break for lunch.

SWISS ECONOMICS

• You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
• You charge others for storing them.

JAPANESE ECONOMICS

• You have two cows.
• You redesign them so that they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
• You then create cute cartoon cow images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.

RUSSIAN ECONOMICS

• You have two cows.
• You count them and learn you have five cows.
• You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
• You count them again and learn you have 17 cows.
• You give up counting and open another bottle of vodka.

CHINESE ECONOMICS

• You have two cows.
• You have 300 people milking them.
• You claim full employment, high bovine productivity and arrest anyone reporting the actual numbers.

SINGAPORE ECONOMICS

• You have two cows.
• Believe you have a brilliant government
• Need to hire foreign talents to manage your cows
• You lost all your cows.

SRI LANKAN ECONOMICS

• You have two cows.
• You make one the President and the other the Leader of the Opposition !

Best of Tony Joseph

1) BRAIN TUMOR:

Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.
Mr. Tony Joseph: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)

Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?
Mr. Tony Joseph: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?

Doctor: Then why are you so happy?
Mr. Tony Joseph: Because that proves that I have a brain!
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2) MR. TONY JOSEPH WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL:

Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Mr. Tony Joseph: 9

Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
Mr. Tony Joseph: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
3) WHILE IN A DRUG STORE:

Mr. Tony Joseph: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson.
Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
Mr. Tony Joseph: Any will do, my grandson doesn't know the alphabet yet!! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
4) AT AN ATM MACHINE:

Friend: What are you looking at?
Mr Tony Joseph: I know your PIN no., hee, hee.

Friend: Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it?
Mr. Tony Joseph: four asterisks (****)! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
5) CHATTING WITH HIS FRIEND:

Friend: How was the tape you borrowed from me, is it Ok?
Mr. Tony Joseph: What do you mean ok, I thought it's a horror film. I didn't see any picture.

Friend: What tape did you take anyway?
Mr. Tony Joseph: Head Cleaner. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
6)DEATH OF HIS MOTHER:
Mr. Tony Joseph crying) the doctor called, Mom's dead.
Friend: condolence, my friend.

(After 2 minutes) Mr. Tony Joseph cries even louder
Friend: what now?

Mr. Tony Joseph: my sister just called, her mom died too! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
7) MR. TONY JOSEPH ATTENDING A MEETING:

Colleague: Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs because of a power failure.
Mr. Tony Joseph: That's alright, me too...I got stuck on the escalator for 3 hrs. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
8) Spelling lesson:

Mr. Tony Joseph's Son: Dad, what is the spelling of successful....is it one c or two c?
Mr. Tony Joseph: Make it three c to be sure!

Driving with Wife

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs 4 her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter!
Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once.
TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!
We need more butter. Oh my GOD!
WHERE r we going 2 get MORE BUTTER?
They're going 2 STICK! Careful . CAREFUL!
I said be CAREFUL!
U NEVER listen 2 me when u're cooking! Never!
Turn them! Hurry up! r u CRAZY?
Have u LOST ur mind?
Don't forget 2 salt them. You know u always forget that. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!

The wife stared at him. "What is wrong with you? You think I don't know how 2 fry a couple of eggs?"


The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted 2 show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

Arrested For Laughing

A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus.

When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.

She moved again and then on her third move he burst out laughing……………… She had him arrested.

Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner.

His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn’t help noticing she was pregnant.

She sat under an advertisement, which read:

‘Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins’.

I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement, which
read:

‘William’s Stick Did The Trick’.

Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read:

‘Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.’

The case was dismissed………!!!!!!!!

WashRoom Rules!!

Taking "Workplace Safety" One Step Too Far...

LITTLE BOBBY

Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.


His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his
mother what he wanted.


Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.


Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker.

He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.


Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his
birthday.

Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.

Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year.

Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year.

Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your
birthday.

Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a
letter.


**************


Letter 1


Dear God,

I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my
birthday.

I want a red one.

Your friend,

Bobby


**************


Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year,

So he tore up the letter and started over.


**************


Letter 2


Dear God,


This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like


A red bike for my birthday. Thank you.


Your friend,

Bobby


**************


Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and
started again.


**************


Letter 3


Dear God,


I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my
birthday.


Bobby


**************


Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a
fourth letter.


**************


Letter 4


God,


I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry.

I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday.

Please! Thank you,


Bobby


**************


Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a
bike.



Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he
wanted to go to church.

Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad.

Just be home in time for dinner, Bobby's mother told him.


Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner.

Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar.

He looked around to see if anyone was there.



Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary.


He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the
street, into the house, and up to his room.


He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen.


Bobby began to write his letter to God.


**************


Letter 5


God,


I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE!!!!!!

When It's Time to Go on a Diet...

KISS N SLAP

A Manager, his Assistant, an old woman and her young daughter are
traveling in a train and during the course of time get themselves
introduced to each other and become temporary friends.

The train goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark.

Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap!

The train comes out of the tunnel.

The women and the Assistant are sitting there looking perplexed.

The Manager is bending over holding his face, which is red from an
apparent slap. All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.

The Old woman is thinking:
These Managers are all crazy after girls. He must have kissed my
daughter in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him.

The Young girl is thinking:
The Manager must have tried to kiss me but kissed my mother instead
and got slapped.

The Manager is thinking:
Damn it. My Assistant must have kissed the young girl. She might have
thought it was me and slapped me.

Now guess what the Assistant is thinking.

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

=

Now hold your breath and read what the Assistant is
thinking...........

If this train goes through another tunnel I will make another kissing
sound and slap my Manager again. The Rascal keeps harassing me in the
Office.:-)

Domino's: We Deliver Anywhere You Need Pizza...

Installing a Husband.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0,MONEY 3.0and CRICKET 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________
Reply

DEAR Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme. Html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband1.0should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5..

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Good Looks 7.7.

Good Luck Madam!

You Can't Say He Isn't Creative...

Feel His Heart .. no no.. Hart

Shortcut to Success :)

Who says there are no shortcuts to success??

New Photos from the First U.S. Trip to the Moon...

Perfect size

A man goes to buy condoms

Sales girl: May I hold ur penis for the size?

Man : Sure.

The Sales girl unzipps him and holds his penis. 

She orders”Give him small!! Oh no! wait give him medium! Wait I think give him large!!! Oh shit!! Give me a tissue paper!!!”

If the Government Stops Funding Space Exploration...

Ain't That A Kick In The Ass

New Boots

An elderly couple, Sally and Bert, moved to Texas. Bert always wanted a pair of cowboy boots, so seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. 

Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, “Notice anything different about me?”

Sally looked him over. “Nope.”

Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots. Again he asked Sally, a little louder this time, “Notice
anything different NOW?”

Sally looked up and exclaimed, “Bert, what’s different? It’s  hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday and it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow!!”

Furious, Bert yelled, “And do you know why it’s hanging down, Sally?”
“Nope,” she replied.
“It’s hanging down because it’s looking at my new boots!’”

Without changing her expression, Sally replied, “Shoulda bought a
hat Bert. Shoulda bought a hat.”

How to Save Ur Job

It's time to go home."

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. 

After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. 

After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. 

The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."

The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's c."

Honey Let Me Explain.........

BEST Husband & Wife jokes

Husband texts to wife on cell..
"Hi, what r u doing Darling?"
Wife: I'm dying..!
Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?"
Wife: "U idiot! I'm dying my hair.."
Husband: "Bloody English Language!
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Angry wife to her husband
An Angry Wife To Her Husband 0n Phone:
"Where d Hell Are You ...?"
Husband: Darling You Remember That Jewellery Shop Where You Saw The Diamond Necklace
n Totally Fell In Love With It n I Didn't Have Money That Time n I said "Baby It'll Be Yours 1 Day ...
"O Wife, With A Smile & Blushing: Yeah I Remember That My Love!
Husband: I ‘m in the Pub Just Next To That Shop
------------------------------------------------------------
A Special Package for Business Men.
An Airline Introduced A Special Package For Business Men. Buy Ur Ticket Get Ur Wife's Ticket Free.
After Great Success, The Company Sent Letters To All The Wives Asking How Was The Trip.
All Of Them Gave A Same Reply..."Which Trip?"
--------------------------------------------------------------
Husband was seriously ill
Husband was seriously ill. Doc to wife: Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant & in gud mood,
don’t discuss ur problems, no tv serial, don’t demand new clothes & gold jewels,
Do this for 1 yr & he will be ok.
On the way home.. Husband: what did the doc say ?
Wife:- .No chance for u to survive
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An intelligent wife
''An Intelligent Wife Is One Who Makes Sure She Spends So Much
That Her Husband Can't Afford Another Women"
-------------------------------------------------------------------
New SIM to surprise her husband
Woman Buys A New Phone And Decides To Surprise Her Husband Who Is Seated On The Couch In The Living Room.
She Goes To The Kitchen, Calls Her Husband With The New Number: "Hello Darling"
The Husband Responds In A Low Tone: "Let Me Call U Back Later Honey, The Dumb Lady Is In The Kitchen..
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Cool message by a wife
Cool Msg by a woman: Dear Mother-in-law, "Don't Teach me how 2 handle my children,
I'm living with one of yours & he needs a lot of improvement"
------------------------------------------------------------------
Sweet demand by kid
A Sweet demand by a kid.
A kid was beaten by his mom. Dad came n asked - what happen son?
Kid said-I can’t adjust with your wife anymore, I want my own.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Lion bounced on wife
In an African Safari, A LION suddenly bounced on Santa's wife.
WIFE: Shoot him! Shoot him!
SANTA: Yes, Yes. I'm changing d battery of my camera..
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
I will think about it
When a married man says "I'll think about it",
What he really means that, He doesn't know his wife's opinion yet..
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Habit of talking in sleep
A Lady to Doctor:
My husband has habit of talking in sleep! what shud i give him to cure?
Dr: Give him an Opportunity to speak wen hez awake
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Part & Art of living
Having "WIFE" Is A Part Of Living...
But Having "GIRLFRIEND" Along With The "WIFE" Is Art Of Living.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
What is the Difference between Mother & Wife?
What is the Difference between Mother & Wife?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other ensures U Continue to do so.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Husband, wife & spare tyre
HUSBAND and WIFE are like 2 tyres of a vehicle. If 1 punctures, the vehicle can't move further
Moral: Always Keep a SPARE TYRE....
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Similarity between chewing gum & begum
What's the similarity between chewing gum & begum (wife) ??
Both are sweet at the beginning and become tasteless, shapeless and chipku in the end..
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Too late for garbage
Wife Running After A Garbage Truck:
Am I Too Late For The Garbage?
Hubby Following Her Yelled:Not Yet. Jumpppp Innnn Fastttt.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
What if you don't see me for 2 days?
A man came home late at night after a party.
His wife yelled:
"how would you feel if you don't see me for two days?"
The man couldn’t believe his luck'that would be great'!
Monday passed and he didn’t see her......
Tuesday and Wednesday passed too.....
On Thursday his swelling became better
And now he could see her from the corner of one eye.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Who is guilty (Husband / Wife)?
Wife is dreaming in the middle of the night and suddenly shouts: "Up! Quick! My husband is back!" Man gets up,
jumps out of the window, hurts himself, and then realizes: "Damn, I am the husband!"

----------------------------------------------------------------------
NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN
Nobody teaches Volcanoes to erupt, Tsunamis to devastate, Hurricanes to sway around & no one teaches
How to choose a Wife, NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dream of receiving jewellery & cloths
Wife: last night I had a dream that u were sending me jewellery and clothes!
Husband: yeah, I saw your dad paying the bill!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Recently fired stock trader
A recently fired stock trader said ...
"This is worse than divorce... I have lost everything & I still have my wife..."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Message of the year
Message of the year:-
Women live a better, longer & peaceful life..!!
Why? Very simple...
A woman does not have a wife..!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Why did u shoot ur wife?
Judge: why did u shoot ur wife instead of shooting her lover?
Sardar: Your honour, it's easier to shoot a woman once, than shooting one man every week.

Reporter & the Horse-race

Operation successful, patient died!

My secretary

As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet, said,
"Good morning boss".

Happy Birthday." And I felt a little better; someone
had remembered.

I worked until noon. Then, Janet knocked on my door
and said

"You know, it's such a beautiful day outside and it's
your birthday let's go to lunch, just you and me."

I said, "Oh yeah, that's the greatest thing I've heard
all day. Let's go."

We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go;
we went out to the country to a little private place.
We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.

On the way back to the office, she said, "You know,
it's such a beautiful day.

We don't need to go back to the office, do we?" I
said, "No, I guess not."

She said, "Let's go to my apartment."

After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if
you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and
slip into something more comfortable."

"Sure," I excitedly replied.

She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes,
she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by
my wife, children, and dozens of our friends, all
singing Happy Birthday.

And there I sat...on the couch.......... naked!

Chinese Qulaity

A Chinese man married an African woman and had a child. Two months later the child passed away.

At the funeral house a family member of the African woman kept sobbing and crying,and kept saying I JUST KNEW IT!!

So a family elder pulled her aside and discreetly asked her
'what she knew?'

She replied 'Chinese products don't last long!!!!